Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
