Got a toothbrush?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
