I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
