physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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