between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Congratulations! We have a period
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