I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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