I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and she was petting her beer can
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she peed on how many people?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
