What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
