the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
