Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
