I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
