I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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