Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
