Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
