I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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