Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
