He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
