She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
