Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
