she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i dont even know how to be here
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
