miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
