Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
