Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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