I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
