An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
