I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
This is not my ceiling
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
