girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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