Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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