i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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