best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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