it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
