Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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