another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
