please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
