Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
