Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
