There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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