Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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