It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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