I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
