You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
