in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
