im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
