im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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