His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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