my phone needs a breathalizer
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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