so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
