so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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