Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
