she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
