you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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