I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
