my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
